I guess I could say the camp turned out fine but as always, there were times I felt like whatever we did were pointless.
Dinner sucked.
After dinner, took the bus to WL's house and waited for 53. I was so tired, I fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop. I could've gotten down at the next bus stop and walk back but I didn't feel like going home just yet. So I sat on the bus for a while and then messaged S to ask if he could meet me at my usual. His reply was, ' My pleasure. Seeyou. (:' You're the best. And so, I reached T2 around 10. Went first to starbucks to buy caramel machiatto then headed to meet S. He wasn't there yet so I just sat and thought. By the time he came, I was already in tears.
Talked to him and all the tears that were suppressed throughout the camp, before the camp and after the camp just came. Cried till my eyes were(are) swollen and when I finally stopped, it was 1230. Mom called and I told her I was with S and she said fine. Continued talking and then I felt much much better. You always knew what to say. (: Yet, even though I feel better, the problems are, however, still there.
Took a cab home and by the time I was home, everyone was, fortunately, asleep. It was about 2. Showered and fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow. Woke up only at 2. 12 hours, not 10. (:
I feel like crap now. Eyes hurt, throat hurts so bad from the chocolates I ate last night, arm muscle hurts like crap from the night walk chairs, lips feel burnt, hands and legs are burnt as well and I have a lot of things on my mind that I try so hard not to think about.
I guess, I'll go back to sleep. S said he would come over later but I'm not sure if I want to bother him.
WL! Sorry I didn't reply your message last night. Couldn't find the strength but I just want to say I love you babe. Seeyou real soon. I already miss you guys. It's like, before the camp, we were meeting up everyday because we were busy planning and now, a few hours away from each other feels so so long.
Glads! Don't worry, the secret's safe with me. And WL and grace. (: I love you twin. You always always make me happy and you are always alawys there for me when I need you. I love you hon.
You. Go ahead, flirt. I don't know who to believe but I know if I hear your side of the story, I'm most likely going to think you're lying. You lied to me about so many things, things that I actually trusted you about. You betrayed my trust, again. You're amazingly smart. Unlike me, you always know just what to say in front of authorities and your face never gives you away. Unlike me, everyone who thinks they know you, trust you. Unlike me, you don't say things you mean and I'm not afraid to say, you've had us all under your spell. I admire you, seriously. Next time when you have some time off from all your flirting and schemes, remember to teach me some of your skills. Although, I must say, after being friends with you for so long, I have learnt a few of your stuff. YET, please do not get the misconception that I am upset over you. If anything, you're the least of my priorities right now.
S! Thanks for my whole life. You've been there for me for like, my entire life. Last night, when I felt so so alone, you came and you never left. Seriously, if not for you, I would have died many years ago. You're the bestest bestfriend. I love you. Thank you. (:
The night during camp, I felt like crying so bad. I didn't know what to do cause everything was just upside down. I held back the tears so much. I wanted to cry, just cry. But who to cry to? Who would understand why I'm crying even if I didn't say anything? Who would simply let me cry without questioning why? Who would bother? And, how could I cry if I didn't want my eyes to be swollen the next day? So I stayed awake and tried not to think about all the things that were bothering me. I tried to laugh, as much as I can throughout the camp. But only people who cared would have known I was putting up a front. During debrief, I felt like crying even more. STOP PICKING ON ME YOU BITCH. Yeah, I know I'm not the type that would shut up and curry favour with you. I swear, I will never shut up and just listen to you when I know that whatever you are saying is not fair to me, UNLIKE YOU. Whatever, I'm ready for your discrimination. Hit me. After debrief, I forced myself to smile even more. I pretended like I'm happy but it was all a show. I didn't want to dampen everyone's mood. But anymore drama and I swear, I won't be that strong anymore. I'm probably like, at the weakest of my defence right now. If someone even sent me a message saying,' Shit you. (:' I would start crying all over again. SO PLEASE, DON'T.
Going back to sleep now. Message me if you must but if I don't reply, you get my message.