Anyway.
Today was stupid. I felt like a zombie throughout. But something funny happened. Grace wl teng and me were sitting at the track board, trying to decide if we should go for chinese lessons. When it was 2, we still couldn't make up our mind and then suddenly, we saw Mrs Ding. From what I inferred, she was chasing the girls who wanted to pon up to class because the girls were trailing reluctantly behind her. ALTHOUGH, wl didn't agree with me. So we were afraid, and hence ran behind the glass staircase. We stayed there for fifteen minutes and although we didn't say, we pretty much knew what our decision was. (: Then when we walked back to the track board, ms f was at the staffroom looking down. We were scared stiff and grabbed our bags, well okay, hillary and grace grabbed mine and wl had to grab her own, (: and ran out of school.
Training was shit. Ten rounds today. One round is 700m. You do the math. But actually, it's not really so much on the rounds. It was more of the Stupid Callous Sun that shone down on us so hard that you can see the tan on my legs and arms within an hour. It only went away after I had finished. It always happens like that doesn't it? Plus, I had to run alone because we were late. While running, the only thing that kept me going was 'Don't think, Just Run'. And you know why? Because whenever you think, it's either positive or negative. And when you're as tired and as weak as one can probably be from running, the thoughts that are likely to enter your mind would probably be negative because the more you run, the weaker your mind becomes and the less immune you will be to negative thoughts. So the best way is not to think and JUST RUN, damn it. Ironically enough, I thought of all these just now while running. Haha.
We headed to macs thereafter and then home.
I WANT THE WORLD NOTHING LESS ALL THE GLAM AND THE PRESS. (: I want it all by Ashley Tisdale and Lucas Gabreel ( I think). So funney.
OH IT'S CAN I HAVE THIS DANCE NOW. (:
Hahaha. I had a lot of things to say when I was on 53 earlier on. However, I did not have a phone to type whatever I wanted to type out so now I cannot really remember. Screwballs.
You. How long have we been friends? Three years? You've been great. The problem lies with me, as always. Anyway, regarding that message, it's not that we are strangers. Well okay, you feel that way. I feel it too. It's just that, I am dealing with much more than I am willing to let out right now, you don't know what it's like for me every single cold cold night. And I don't blame you, I don't expect you to understand because I pretty much don't myself. I don't tell you anything not because I don't trust you, but because I just can't tell anyone. I don't do the 'hear my problem' thing. I like, well not like but, am used to, keeping things to myself. There are just too many things that when accumulated, will become difficult to say because it just becomes this whole big cobweb of problems all stuck together. Sometimes, I don't even know how the problem starts. It just multiplies and then when I try to put it into words, I screw up and will always end up saying The Wrong Thing. When I look at you, it's like, there are so many things I hold back and try not to tell you. I don't want to dump my junk into your life. I don't like to impose problems on someone whom I know have enough of her own.
Yet, the main problem is that, telling you everything just makes me feel naked, to the truth. I feel exposed and vulnerable. It's an intangible feeling that I cannot put into words. I just, I think all you should know at this point is that no matter what I say or in this case, don't say, I still am open to just listen to you. I just don't like to talk much about me nowadays, that's all. And it's not just to you hon, I swear. I don't tell anyone anything. Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone who thinks they know me think I am fine but what the hell do they know? Nothing. And it's not their fault, really. Whatever it is, please just remember that you're no stranger to me. I just don't feel that it is necessary to tell you what is happening because really, I'll be blunt, what difference would it make? Nothing will change, telling you or anyone for that matter would only compound the entire situation because a problem is never as bad when you don't say it. Yeah, I know I am running. Deceiving myself and living in the shadows. But I want to do it that way, I don't want to face up to it because I know that even if I do, I would lose. So, what the hell, I'll run for as long as I deem fit.
There, having said that, I hope you don't feel offended. You're a great friend, you know that don't you? (: I don't deserve your concern, really. But deep down I know that whenever I have a problem, you're probably the only one I can count on for help. Thank you for everything. I appreciate it, really.
G'night.